Taking care of YOU- 7 Secrets to self-love.
For many of us women, the journey of learning to love ourselves isn’t a smooth one, and sadly many of us don't make it.
I know, I’ve found it hard to love all of myself so if you struggle with self-love, please realise that you’re not alone with this.
In all honesty, when it comes to self-love, I got it so wrong for so long:
I used to think self-love meant you were vain, self-absorbed, and full of yourself! ⠀⠀⠀⠀
I now realise that self-love means much more than liking what you see in the mirror.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
❤️ Self-love means having a high regard for your health and happiness. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
❤️ Self-love means taking care of your needs and not sacrificing your wellbeing to please others. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
❤️ Self-love means accepting your strengths, weaknesses, and everything in between.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
❤️ Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.
So, my question to you today is- do you love yourself?
If the answer to that question is not a resounding ‘hell yeah', I suggest you keep on reading and find out my 7 Secrets to self-love. If you have answered ‘yes’ to loving yourself, have a read anyway as you might pick up a new idea that helps you to love yourself just that little bit more.
1. Make time to get to know yourself.
It’s impossible to love yourself if you’ve forgotten who you are. Many women tell me that they feel like they are so busy living life on autopilot, rushing around doing everything for everyone else, they feel like they've have lost themselves somewhere along the way. They tell me they can’t remember who they are deep down and what they love because it’s been so long since they thought about it. Knowing yourself is a journey. It’s not about skimming the surface like realising what your favourite colour or song is, (although does of course form part of who you are) it runs much deeper. Taking the time to explore your values, strengths, passions, and dreams as well as your fears, development areas and insecurities will help you to truly know yourself. Knowing yourself and knowing what you stand for will support you in embracing your full potential and abilities and creating a life that truly fulfils you- which is exactly what you deserve.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others.
There is only one you and you are more than enough. Focussing your precious time and energy on what others are doing will not only make you feel bad, but it will seriously slow down any progress you make towards your own goals and dreams. Comparison often results in resentment- there will always be someone who looks happier, wealthier, fitter etc. There are lots of things you can do to help get your comparisonitis in check, a great way to start is with some honesty with yourself. Are you looking at others as a source of inspiration and motivation, seeing people that have what you want and looking to learn how to make progress in that area or are you looking at others and beating yourself up because you’re not like they are. If it’s the latter, then perhaps it’s time to stop and work through some ways to get out of the comparison trap.
3. Show yourself kindness.
I’m pretty sure that you show kindness to those that you love. You deserve the same kindness you so openly give to others. This starts with the way you speak to yourself. One of my very first coaches shone a light on the fact that my self-talk was often very negative. I struggled to accept compliments and often played down my achievements. She said something to me that stuck with me so I want to share it with you- ‘if you wouldn’t say it to your best friend then don’t say it to yourself’. Adopting that stance was so helpful for me. Of course, the negative self-talk didn’t stop overnight, it took a lot of effort to raise my awareness around when I was doing it and reframe my thought process and the way I spoke to myself but let me tell you it’s worth it. It’s hard to be happy when someone is being mean to you all the time, don’t let that person be you!
4. Give yourself permission to be imperfect.
Perfectionism can lead to stress, anxiety, discontentment, low self-esteem and lots of missed opportunities and untapped potential. If you hold yourself to impossibly high standards, you procrastinate regularly, you turn away opportunities through fear of not being able to perform perfectly you will never be happy. Finding peace with the fact that you will NEVER be perfect (no human will be) and loving yourself anyway is so truly liberating.
5. Celebrate yourself often.
You have an abundance of strengths, talents, skills, and qualities that make you the amazing person that you are. You have achieved many things (big and small) in your life that are worthy of celebration. Life is busy and sometimes it’s easy to become distracted and forget these things. Making time to regularly focus on the great things about you will increase positive feelings for yourself and it only takes a few minutes a day.
6. Meet your needs.
Love requires respect. It is therefore essential to make sure that you are enough of a priority in your life that you listen to and meet your needs. Many of us women are so stuck on the hamster wheel that we are neglecting even the most basic of our needs. How many times have you found yourself with a headache because it's evening and you haven’t even had a glass of water yet? How many times have you ‘made do’ with a sandwich or even your kids leftovers instead of making yourself a proper meal? You deserve to have your needs met.
7. Set and uphold boundaries.
Boundaries are essential as they let others know that you deserve and expect. Loving yourself means knowing your value and communicating it to others. It’s so important that you draw your lines and stick to them. You will feel happier, more respected by yourself and others, feel more empowered due to feeling in control and enjoy an increased sense of fulfilment through making sure your life is lived on your terms by doing what you enjoy.
So, there you have it. My 7 Secrets to self-love.
As with pretty much anything worth having - it doesn’t happen overnight and will take work, but this is important work that you won’t regret.
Over time, you will discover that loving yourself improves everything in your life—your relationships, your health and wellbeing, your ability to manifest your dreams, and your self-esteem.
Loving and connecting with yourself is the key to being able to love and connect with others and create loving relationships.
Loving yourself is the key to creating a passionate, fulfilled, and joyful life.
Rather than try and implement all of these at once and end up overwhelmed and not doing any of them, I invite you to start with just one of these 7 things that feels doable and commit to doing it today.
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